Measure In Love

Fittingly, I watched RENT the whole way through for the first time last night, and yes I did just capitalize each letter like a noob. And yeah, I loved everything about it. La vie boheime. But it made me think about this year as a whole, so I spent most of my morning recovering from three hours of sleep trying to figure out what the hell this year was.

It was basically like a giant 'what the actual fuck' moment except it lasted 365 days.

First half of the year was basically calm, till the rug was ripped out from under me. I learned to watch who I trusted, and then had my reputation basically sent whirling out of control for two weeks. I nearly lost a best friend, though I'm pretty sure my damage was permanent.

The summer, however, was perfect. It was long and hot and...sounds alot like sex. Pretty sure that's what it feels like. It was great, definitely the best time of the year.

By the time freshman year started, I was already being thrown head over heels into a hurricane. I was spun around, forced so far down, and then shot back up so many times, my body finally gave out a couple weeks ago. I've got a pretty bad sinus infection that was brought on from weeks of working my ass off at school and stressing over homework and him and then going out Friday and Saturday night...barely sleeping and then starting the week all over again. That had gone on for three months...and finally it all just crashed down upon me.

But I've come out of it, and on this last day of 2010, through all the heartbreak and drama and mistakes, I stand here with no regret. I've had a great time, some of the best memories, made some of the greatest friends. And most of all I have loved, the greatest thing I can possibly accomplish. Whether I was loved back equally as I loved others is to be questioned for some people. I know people love me out there, and, really, I love you guys. The people who have stuck with me through this year and who have been picked up along the ride are the ones who matter.

So, in love, I've given myself to everyone around me, whether they know it or not, I do love everyone. But my resolution for next year is to learn to love myself, for real this time - not letting a pretty, green-eyed boy catch me off gaurd - and breathe the freedom and care of those around me. I will shine outwards, love the world around me, and stop the co-dependence.

With the help of my friends,this year has been beautiful in love.

It may not be the kind of love you're looking for, but you have to be grateful for what you've been given, which is always just what you need.

Hello, freedom, I've never been a friend of yours, but I'd like to get to know you. Hello, new year, I'm nervous to begin again, but glad to start over.
Hello, self, I've missed you, and I'm ready to get to know you better.



We are beautiful, no matter what you say.

"Poprocks and Coke" Green Day

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll