The Dog Days Are Over

It's hard to describe why people hang onto things that aren't theirs. It's hard to explain why I can't let his face fade from my mind. It's hard to explain how much I want to see him and hold him yet feel like he deserves a slap of "Are you plain dumb?"

No matter where life goes, how many smiles I fake, how much I laugh, how many new shoes I buy, how many pounds I loose, how good I may look one night, will never bring him back. And it seems as if I may never be as happy as before, never find my high, and never love anyone nearly as much. I may be okay again, but never like I was for the last three months.

I sound ridiculous, immature, silly even. I killed him with kisses, my love, my heart, my everything...there is little of me he doesn't have, and nothing I wouldn't have let him hold. And for three months I was pretty sure he'd do the same for me.

Then, one evening, it all ripped out from under my feet.

Isn't that always how it happens?

So now I wear these marks as a badge, some form of proof that it hadn't been a beautiful nightmare, that I was 'loved' by whatever twisted definition of love he has. I'll never be the same, always hiding my marked soul away, in fear of being found out. My head spins more every second, my body out of control, my heart in shatters.

And I'd give the world just to see him smile, watch him laugh, hear him talk one more time. I always will yearn within the caverns of my heart for him.

Someday in the future, I'll be in a theater, eyes wide and full, vide of all the sparkle you gave them, watching you move on that screen, hear your voice, and watch you smile. I hope you'll make it, even if I sit there crying or silenced in missing you as I am now. However, there is a part of me that prays you'll get up for your biggest audition, hear a song drift in the window that reminds you of me, and you burst into huge mother fucking tears and bawl your eyes out, wishing I'd hold you once more, the way I have been for the past week.

But I know you've forgotten me already.