Sunday, August 7, 2011


I've never understood the word strength.

What does it mean to be strong? Because I'm pretty sure whatever the hell it is, it doesn't apply to me.

However, I am a firm believer in strength through music. Maybe it just sounds that way.

I will pull myself out of this, I will not drown, I will not let go. I refuse to let this eat me alive. Or let me eat myself alive.

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Velvet Skies

Life doesn't prepare you for alot of things.

You hear stories growing up about epic moments. The first time you learn how to ride a bike, your first day of 6 hour school, your first soccor game, your first dance recital, your first best friend, your first crush, youur first boyz/girlz party (whoa there preteen awkwardness), your first kiss(Even worse), your first orgasm, losing your virginity (and no, those do not have to be the same occassion), your last day of high school, graduation, your first day of college, your first drunken night at college, your first all-nighter cramming for a calc test, ETC! but did anyone once tell you how the hell they actually felt after one of these moments?

I think you get the point. The funny thing is, you don't always internalize these moments. They happen like the running film of a movie, while you just stand by watching.

Growing up is scary as shit. Every once in a long while I want to go curl up on the couch and watch the Little Mermaid and Cinderella on repeat, drinking chocolate milk from a sippy cup. However, strangely, I've found everything completely natural. That's the scary party.

I don't feel gawky or freakish or over-grown anymore. I just feel like myself, like some normal teenage girl, in a normal neighborhood, with normal*ahemslightlyabornomal* friends, and a perfectly normal family. I love it, honestly.

So what I'm trying to say is, don't plan these moments. Don't sit there fantasizing over your first kiss or boyfriend or mixed gender party or college graduation. Just let your life happen, and try to keep your head up. Don't be afraid of change or all these 'epic' moments, that really aren't all that epic.

Oh the horrors of becoming normal. I'm actually excited.

Peace, Love, and Rock n Roll
Song of the Day:

Sexy, huh?
Hold me, I get lonely, I get lonely, so lonely, I'm losing my mind.

Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I Will Not Let You Go

So it's been a month and a half. Oh, and, dear, blog I have missed you. It seems the less I write, whether it be these mindless posts or random lines across my papers, the crazier I get. My mind rushes, emotions choke my reason, my heart practically beats out of my always ends in tears.

However, now that school has legitmately come to a standstill, as I waste three days in class without anymore finals, I'm beginning to come out of my lack of creativity cave. My skin is itching with new ideas, or moreover, the time to think about new ideas.

I want to sit in the heat, and just let my mind stew for hours and hours. Yes, I will get bored. Yes, I will get discontented, but that is where creativity begins. hehehe.

Let's do this.

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll

Oh, and P.S, it's getting harder and harder not to write about relationships on this blog. I will not curse my luck this time. Not this time.

Saturday, April 16, 2011


I'm beginning to see the light

Sometimes, I don't know what to say, so I listen to music and let it do all the talking.

But sometimes it's not enough. I just mix the melodies in my head until all I hear is madness

Tonight, it's this thrown in with some closure:

Saturday, April 2, 2011

My Pretty Little Angel

On a less mushy-romantic note than the title would suggest, I'm taking a study/eating/discussing college options break to write. I start to get this itch, with the only adrenaline that seems to run through me nowadays, when I start focusing too much on school or just sit around all day. That has become my life for the most part anyway.

It's gotten to the point where I spend so much energy on school that I have no more energy left to sit here and type about some huge issue like the crisis in Lybia or Japan, let alone the divisions forming in our own country.

That is such a superficial list. I just listed millions of casualties, decades of hate, and a possible 2nd civil war in the same sentence like what I ate for breakfast, which was an English muffin and peanut butter bar.

It's true, contentedness is the biggest cause of writer's block. I've been strangely happy lately. Not in an over-zealous way, but in some odd healthy thing that doesn't end with me crying my eyes out and yelling at everyone around me.

My grades are improving, somehow, as well as the sky around me. The snow should melt by Monday and maybe even some sunshine will show through. Summer's on the tip of my tongue, as well as freedom. Freshmen year is my last chance to make mistakes, as dumb as that sounds, 10th and 11th grade seem to be the biggest college factors in high school GPA range. That doesn't even factor in how many SAT prep course I'm going to take over the next two years.

But, when it comes down to it, I feel the touches of freedom, teenage restlessness, or sleeplessness. Those three words, or four if you take out contractions, are not what you'd think. I don't care. Through all of the mechanical work and exhaustion I still have this naiive childish view of the world. I still want love and happiness and still want to move to the ocean one day and write music all day.

So basically I'm on this fast-track future of hard work and stress for the rest of my life, but I can't shake who I am. I can't leave my music, my poems, or my heart as simple childish past times. They're part of who I am. Maybe it's like that glory and final paradise hope of blue collar working all those Springsteen songs are about. Maybe I'm just full of shit.

But it comes down to the point where I either sell out, and focus on books from now on, or take on the impossible task of balancing everything. Tonight there is a light in my heart, and it reminds me that I will never compromise who I am. I will never forget my music or my writing or my love. That will always be me. I can't let go, I refuse.

Song of the Day: "Stall Me" Panic! at the Disco. Sexy, refreshing, energetic. Sounds like Spring to me.

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Important Facts

So, why are you reading this? You should be out there, buying Vices & Virtues and jamming to probably the catchiest record of the year.

If you're not buying the album, you should be eating.


Eating is important...hence you need the nutrients from food to survive.

Pick up the sandwhich, lift it towards your mouth, and take a bite

See? Isn't that better?

Anorexia is not the new little black dress. It is not the new sexy. It is not the new pair of jeggings from True Religion. Or those Betsey Johnson hot pink and leopard pumps. It is the farthest thing from attractive.


Sunday, March 20, 2011

Catch Me Like A Cold

Hey, stranger, I want to catch you like a cold.

Sometimes I like to walk down the street, listening to some sunshine-y She & Him song, "Sweet Darlin" or "I Was Made for You" depending on my mood, gently sashaying my hips, and pretend to be Zooey Deschenal....or as lovely as her character in (500) Days of Summer, minues the ice queen factor.

Then, other times I like to stand in my room, blaring "Badlands" and air guitaring rigidly, and pretend that I'm Bruce Springsteen playing a show for thousands of New Yorkers at Madison Square Garden.

Next, I enjoy dancing around my room like a mad person, with my left hand behind my back, making ridiculous faces, pretending I'm Brendon Urie surrounded by the screams of girls nearly half his age dying to sleep with him....not that I want that, but it's an interesting feeling.

Anyway, it was just last Friday (cue the Rebecca Black, "It's Fridayyy, Fridayyya, Fridayya) I realized living my own life is pretty entertainnig. Screaming over drunk people awkwardly at Mexican restuarants, driving around blaring Beyonce, sprinting through the parking lot at Giant Eagle in 3 inch heels away from the car we dented with our passenger door, and generally freaking out passerbys by the sudden leg that just appeared in the backseat window of that parked car sound lame to everyone else, but, hell, I'm having way too much fun.

Even if it is the only fun I have all week.

A certain essay dinasour -ahempoulakosaurus- swallowed me whole in assignments. I'm taking a break and jamming to Vices & Virtues for the thousandth time....I'm in love with Panic! at the Disco to such an extent that I basically fangirlgasm every time I hear one of their new songs. And my face looks something like this.

I'm so ready for this...and by this I mean everything.

Everything, everything, everything.

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll

"Trade Mistakes" - Panic! at the Disco. Hellz to the yes.