Believe What You Are

Believe, believe in me, believe, believe. The lives are changed but you're not sunken in, we're not the same, we're different....We'll crucify the insincere tonight. We'll make it right, we'll feel it all tonight. We'll find a way to offer up tonight. The indescribable moments of your life, tonight. The impossible is possible tonight, tonight. So believe in me, cause I'll believe in you. Tonight, tonight.

I awoke one morning
To a lavender sky
With clouds of lilac
And the air of sweetness, so soft
That the touch of your hands
Faded into blur
And the world was bright
He turned off the light
And I turned on mine.
With a swelling sun, and heat melting away
The storms that once roared
Rain that stained
And left my heart alive.

Dry your roses
Crush your sweet words
Drain the bursting hearts
Heal the infection, and ruin infliction
Bury diamonds under centuries of death
Stain white dresses with red
Forget the misplacing of flowers
But remember, if only for a moment,
For a breath of loveliness
That there is always love
Where earth has grown cold, and skies blackened
With charcoal grey clouds
Floating of waste, undying to hear
The memories haunt all that is near
And acid rain burns away all flesh untouched
Even there,
There is love.

One morning I awoke
To lavender skies
With lilac clouds
Without you.
And I knew it was always me.
Full of love within.

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll
Hello, random Beyonce "Freakum Dress"

If I Was From Paris

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. "Paris"


Pretty sure that video and song are just sex in music form.

Anyway, midterms are approaching along with a shit load of English...so I really should be working. Oh well. On the upside, I bought a corset to complete my burlesque costume...and few new sweaters and tops. I'm pretty excited. My Burlesque outfit is complete. Now I just have to work out...and not have just eaten a huge meal and photograph it all. I will find somewhere to where it..eventually. Til then I'll keep a closet of seduciton clothing.

Kittehs are lovely.

And a bit of relaxation and care are almost as good as revenge because you realize that after it all, all the pain, insults, embarrassment, you're still the same person you were three months ago.

If I was a man, I'd make my move. If I was a blade, I'd shave you smooth. If I was a judge, I'd break the law. And if I was from Paris, if I was from Paris, I would say ooh la la lalala la la

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll

Measure In Love

Fittingly, I watched RENT the whole way through for the first time last night, and yes I did just capitalize each letter like a noob. And yeah, I loved everything about it. La vie boheime. But it made me think about this year as a whole, so I spent most of my morning recovering from three hours of sleep trying to figure out what the hell this year was.

It was basically like a giant 'what the actual fuck' moment except it lasted 365 days.

First half of the year was basically calm, till the rug was ripped out from under me. I learned to watch who I trusted, and then had my reputation basically sent whirling out of control for two weeks. I nearly lost a best friend, though I'm pretty sure my damage was permanent.

The summer, however, was perfect. It was long and hot and...sounds alot like sex. Pretty sure that's what it feels like. It was great, definitely the best time of the year.

By the time freshman year started, I was already being thrown head over heels into a hurricane. I was spun around, forced so far down, and then shot back up so many times, my body finally gave out a couple weeks ago. I've got a pretty bad sinus infection that was brought on from weeks of working my ass off at school and stressing over homework and him and then going out Friday and Saturday night...barely sleeping and then starting the week all over again. That had gone on for three months...and finally it all just crashed down upon me.

But I've come out of it, and on this last day of 2010, through all the heartbreak and drama and mistakes, I stand here with no regret. I've had a great time, some of the best memories, made some of the greatest friends. And most of all I have loved, the greatest thing I can possibly accomplish. Whether I was loved back equally as I loved others is to be questioned for some people. I know people love me out there, and, really, I love you guys. The people who have stuck with me through this year and who have been picked up along the ride are the ones who matter.

So, in love, I've given myself to everyone around me, whether they know it or not, I do love everyone. But my resolution for next year is to learn to love myself, for real this time - not letting a pretty, green-eyed boy catch me off gaurd - and breathe the freedom and care of those around me. I will shine outwards, love the world around me, and stop the co-dependence.

With the help of my friends,this year has been beautiful in love.

It may not be the kind of love you're looking for, but you have to be grateful for what you've been given, which is always just what you need.

Hello, freedom, I've never been a friend of yours, but I'd like to get to know you. Hello, new year, I'm nervous to begin again, but glad to start over.
Hello, self, I've missed you, and I'm ready to get to know you better.



We are beautiful, no matter what you say.

"Poprocks and Coke" Green Day

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll

Stronger

Well, hello there new girl who you seem to adore so. She follows you like a lost puppy. She doesn't know you. As you act all victimized and hurt and 'oh woe is me lonely boy with a crazy ex' you've found yourself a...lovely new young woman. I do wish you well....somehow I keep telling myself I do, but you have just set yourself up to fail. Goodbye all care for you. Screw yourself over and stop acting like it was my fault.

Fuck you.



The irony of all the X-Tina songs that narrate this is intense. I'm glad no one has found this blog sometimes. My secret little child. Stay safe.

Peace, love, and rock n' roll.

Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas and happy holidays to everyone out there. I hope you're all save, and lovely, and warm and happy. And that you always will be.

However, I must self-indulge myself again and post this like every other woman who has had a guy step all over their faces.

YOU OUGHTA KNOW!
Phsychotic ex-girlfriend has stricken again.

I wish you well, I don't really mind, but this..you really oughta know of the mess you left when you went away. I don't want attention. I want you to know.


As numerous women have said before, the first verse of this is freakishly accurate...it's funny how low men go after you leave them. What a shame. She's almost like me, except...completely not good enough for you. shrug.

Dancing at Discos

Two days before Christmas I realize how much peace I am finding within myself. I've got to find the colors and lights within myself, not because others think I'm vibrant or bright. Breathing through my nose is also something that I'll never take for granted...chest colds+life long asthma=not fun.

Hhowever, I'm finding some comfort in the music around me, the happiness of Christmas, and my friends. And "Merry Happy" by Kate Nash



Don't tell me that you didn't try to check out my bum, I know that you did, cause your friend told me that you liked it... Don't try and tell me you didn't love me, I know that you did, because you said it and you wrote it down.

There are a million things I could hate because of him, and there was a time when I thought I would.
I could never use chapstick
I could cry through Fiddler on the Roof
I could never go back to Ross Park Mall
I could never listen to Blink-182 again and cry whenever "I Miss You" comes on the radio
I could forever hate hazel/green eyes
I could never buy that obese golden retriever we wanted
I could never wear my cat ears I bought for you again
I could never wear the pair of jeggings you nearly fucked up.
I could never trust again.
I could never smile again.
I could never love again.

But I refuse to let myself fade like that. I am determined to be happy and be strong and hopefully to love again. I will not let you take me under.

Sitting at restaurants, thought we were so grownup, but I know that we were not the people that we turned out to be. Chatting on the phone, can't take back those hours, but I won't regret because I know you can grow flowers from where dirt used to be.

I guess you just have to learn to let your broken heart be a sign that you loved, took a chance, and lived. All you can do is rebuild. Life is too short to waste crying over spilled....milk? or stupid boys....or both...thank you for the ability to get stains out of jeggings. On that note, hope everyone is in the holiday spirit. Christmas, heck yes! I am excited and you should be too. Just because.

Boredom

Blogging in school is definitely cool. The day before winter break is completely pointless...other than for masses of candy canes and presents. Phone just went off...probably another pocket dial. Uber rawr. Sickness isn't fun but presents and hats are.