Two days before Christmas I realize how much peace I am finding within myself. I've got to find the colors and lights within myself, not because others think I'm vibrant or bright. Breathing through my nose is also something that I'll never take for granted...chest colds+life long asthma=not fun.
Hhowever, I'm finding some comfort in the music around me, the happiness of Christmas, and my friends. And "Merry Happy" by Kate Nash
Don't tell me that you didn't try to check out my bum, I know that you did, cause your friend told me that you liked it... Don't try and tell me you didn't love me, I know that you did, because you said it and you wrote it down.
There are a million things I could hate because of him, and there was a time when I thought I would.
I could never use chapstick
I could cry through Fiddler on the Roof
I could never go back to Ross Park Mall
I could never listen to Blink-182 again and cry whenever "I Miss You" comes on the radio
I could forever hate hazel/green eyes
I could never buy that obese golden retriever we wanted
I could never wear my cat ears I bought for you again
I could never wear the pair of jeggings you nearly fucked up.
I could never trust again.
I could never smile again.
I could never love again.
But I refuse to let myself fade like that. I am determined to be happy and be strong and hopefully to love again. I will not let you take me under.
Sitting at restaurants, thought we were so grownup, but I know that we were not the people that we turned out to be. Chatting on the phone, can't take back those hours, but I won't regret because I know you can grow flowers from where dirt used to be.
I guess you just have to learn to let your broken heart be a sign that you loved, took a chance, and lived. All you can do is rebuild. Life is too short to waste crying over spilled....milk? or stupid boys....or both...thank you for the ability to get stains out of jeggings. On that note, hope everyone is in the holiday spirit. Christmas, heck yes! I am excited and you should be too. Just because.
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Thursday, December 23, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Goodbye, Sweet Decadance
We're lost it all, the love is gone. And we had magic, and this is tragic, you couldn't keep your hands to yourself. I feel like our world's been infected, and somehow you left me neglected. We found our live's been changed. Babe, you lost me.
Funny how that song cuts a little too close to home. Well, as everything that settles can settle and I attempt to rebuild my grades to no avail, everything is just spiralling out of control...far too fast for me to notice I've been gone.
And I will stand by you like a toy soldier. Prop me up, set my hands just right to pull you up out of where you have fallen. No matter how many times you've knocked me down.
But I've got to move forward, I can't sit here and let myself sink any lower. I owe it to the people around me not to be a mobile rain-cloud all the time. I'll work for the people around me, until I can rebuild myself...right...that may never happen again. Ah, well. Too much going on to sit in a bath of self-pity all night.
And we were sweet, but you chose lust when you decieved me, and you'll regret it, but it's too late. How can I ever trust anyone again?
Funny how that song cuts a little too close to home. Well, as everything that settles can settle and I attempt to rebuild my grades to no avail, everything is just spiralling out of control...far too fast for me to notice I've been gone.
And I will stand by you like a toy soldier. Prop me up, set my hands just right to pull you up out of where you have fallen. No matter how many times you've knocked me down.
But I've got to move forward, I can't sit here and let myself sink any lower. I owe it to the people around me not to be a mobile rain-cloud all the time. I'll work for the people around me, until I can rebuild myself...right...that may never happen again. Ah, well. Too much going on to sit in a bath of self-pity all night.
And we were sweet, but you chose lust when you decieved me, and you'll regret it, but it's too late. How can I ever trust anyone again?
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Sweet Darlin'
And I'm late again! These posts are getting so thin and far between...it's frightening. And suddenly Thanksgiving has gone and past! Family and food and whatnot, until I puked my guts out. And then lay pathetically on the freezing bathroom floor for a good hour. Fun.
Not much to say, still trying to hold on to my confidence-trust mantra, it's alot easier said than done. My expectations are far too high to ever hit realistic, so I'll turn away from my phone and listen to some music.
Good plan, until every damn song reminds me of you.
Ahh, the first snow fell again this morning. It was a frightening site, all windy and blustery as if my memories of flip flops and the pool blew away right before my eyes. Sickening, I remembered how much I absolutely hate the cold, almost as much as I hate being alone. The combination of both just makes me wanna start puking again.
My Christmas list this year is quite short, and reads as the following:
You
You
You
and then you all over again.
I can't ask for more than you. Merry Christmas, I could care less! This will be a miserable season, if I don't get to be with you that much. It hurts enough as it is going this entire damn break and only seeing you once.
These posts are becoming personal letters addressed to you know who. Child never reads this so meh, who gives a fuck?
Song of the Day: Mariah Carey just got pwned in the large face by My Chemical Romance on this one.
Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll
Not much to say, still trying to hold on to my confidence-trust mantra, it's alot easier said than done. My expectations are far too high to ever hit realistic, so I'll turn away from my phone and listen to some music.
Good plan, until every damn song reminds me of you.
Ahh, the first snow fell again this morning. It was a frightening site, all windy and blustery as if my memories of flip flops and the pool blew away right before my eyes. Sickening, I remembered how much I absolutely hate the cold, almost as much as I hate being alone. The combination of both just makes me wanna start puking again.
My Christmas list this year is quite short, and reads as the following:
You
You
You
and then you all over again.
I can't ask for more than you. Merry Christmas, I could care less! This will be a miserable season, if I don't get to be with you that much. It hurts enough as it is going this entire damn break and only seeing you once.
These posts are becoming personal letters addressed to you know who. Child never reads this so meh, who gives a fuck?
Song of the Day: Mariah Carey just got pwned in the large face by My Chemical Romance on this one.
Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll
Sunday, December 27, 2009
With this fever, FEVER!
Well, it's been a while. I got swallowed whole by a few deciding grade exams and a pre-Christmas essay present. I went all out with a good seven pages in forty minutes. Anyway, Christmas was quiet, and didn't really seem like christmas. I got a new camera, phone(yay no more "vintage" flip), and a few dresses including a very cute one from modcloth.
Squeal.
But I had a much better time giving out gifts to twelve of my friends total. I'm giving mon copain his gift tomorrow. And I'm in a generous mood. It's much more fun giving gifts that excite people, whether it's a car or a hug, I'd prefer the latter, the gift giving smiles are pricless.
Texting is becoming alot more personal than you'd think. It's almost the most impersonal thing yet alot happens over those damn phones. This whole sexting thing adds a major dose of drama and can easily screw an entire reputaion with one click of a button. Yikes. Careful kiddies.
Anyway, Christmas just reminded again of what matters. The ones who actually care and love you. Think about. Which friend told you, called you, or even texted you merry Christmas? Those are probably the keepers; the ones who mean something. Keep priorities and hope. It's times like these that can hurt more than any others. The whole "Christmas Spirit" thing is totally bs most of the tiime, other than the highs kids get on candy canes and chocolate. You have to find happiness on your own. Not with a holiday, or a friend, or that one special person that doesn't seem to want you. Go find the resolution for yourself. And stop complaining. That never gets anyone anywhere.
Let's rise up.
Oh and did I mention that I'm totally head over heels in love with Adam Lambert's new album. He is quite delicious.
Peace, love, and rock n' roll.
Song of the Day:
My one and own, I wanna get you alone, give you a fever, fever.
Squeal.
But I had a much better time giving out gifts to twelve of my friends total. I'm giving mon copain his gift tomorrow. And I'm in a generous mood. It's much more fun giving gifts that excite people, whether it's a car or a hug, I'd prefer the latter, the gift giving smiles are pricless.
Texting is becoming alot more personal than you'd think. It's almost the most impersonal thing yet alot happens over those damn phones. This whole sexting thing adds a major dose of drama and can easily screw an entire reputaion with one click of a button. Yikes. Careful kiddies.
Anyway, Christmas just reminded again of what matters. The ones who actually care and love you. Think about. Which friend told you, called you, or even texted you merry Christmas? Those are probably the keepers; the ones who mean something. Keep priorities and hope. It's times like these that can hurt more than any others. The whole "Christmas Spirit" thing is totally bs most of the tiime, other than the highs kids get on candy canes and chocolate. You have to find happiness on your own. Not with a holiday, or a friend, or that one special person that doesn't seem to want you. Go find the resolution for yourself. And stop complaining. That never gets anyone anywhere.
Let's rise up.
Oh and did I mention that I'm totally head over heels in love with Adam Lambert's new album. He is quite delicious.
Peace, love, and rock n' roll.
Song of the Day:
My one and own, I wanna get you alone, give you a fever, fever.
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Every Morning I Wake Up....
I officially hate my alarm clock. It's like every morning, no, the middle of the night, at 5:35, this animal, demon, creature starts to bitch at me to wake up. I have to crawl out of my bed, stretch, and continue another day of my dead end, boring, luckless life. It's a never ending cycle, repeat, repeat, repeat.
It's seriously getting to me. I'm so tired that I nod off continuously, in a semi-concious state for at least to periods a day. Mostly social studies and geometry. An emptiness, and sheer lack of motivation just overwhelms me. Why do I have to get out of bed every morning? To spend another pointless day working. It never ends. And then, it occurs to me that for the rest of my life, it's going to be like this. Constant fatigue, and worry, and ache, and emptiness, and lifelessness. Obviously, my mood is a little sour.
Anyway, I REALLY need to write, but I've had so many other writing assignments that it's just gotten pushed back. I need Christmas break. Now. But I'm going to be sick, along with other fun ailments anyway, so it's just gonna be blah. I did buy gifts for my friends, and I hope they like them. It took awhile! Yay.
blah.
Song of the Day: Btw, this song came on shuffle the first time I put all the No Doubt stuff on my ipod on my birthday. It creeped me out.
It's seriously getting to me. I'm so tired that I nod off continuously, in a semi-concious state for at least to periods a day. Mostly social studies and geometry. An emptiness, and sheer lack of motivation just overwhelms me. Why do I have to get out of bed every morning? To spend another pointless day working. It never ends. And then, it occurs to me that for the rest of my life, it's going to be like this. Constant fatigue, and worry, and ache, and emptiness, and lifelessness. Obviously, my mood is a little sour.
Anyway, I REALLY need to write, but I've had so many other writing assignments that it's just gotten pushed back. I need Christmas break. Now. But I'm going to be sick, along with other fun ailments anyway, so it's just gonna be blah. I did buy gifts for my friends, and I hope they like them. It took awhile! Yay.
blah.
Song of the Day: Btw, this song came on shuffle the first time I put all the No Doubt stuff on my ipod on my birthday. It creeped me out.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Today the first winter snow fell, in tiny little flakes, drifting and swirling through the air. It made everything wet and cold, only dusting the ground, but it set the stage for the rest of my day. The smallest things make the biggest impact nowadays. So the rest of the day, while it snowed, I didn't change the radio station when all those cheesy christmas songs came on, or stare apethitcally out the window. It got me in enough holiday spirit that I ended up making cookies, which I think I broiled instead of baked. The first batch isn't entirely cooked. So I think I might get food poisening. I'm waiting for the sick feeling now. Oh, well.
Ma mere is out shopping and mon pere is at work, so I'm stuck at home with mon petite frere. Ugh. And his friend. Who just play COD ALL DAY! I swear I can see the graphics in my sleep. I should be doing geometry homework, or finishing a chapter in RITF, but nooooo. I'm reading fanfiction and baking cookies and blogging. Why? Because I can. Not having school empowers me. And because I have not an ounce of concentration.
I went to a friend's party last night and had a blasty blast. Everyone there was the most random motley crew of kids you could've picked. The only we really shared in common was music taste, Converse sneakers (I made a costom pare with purple zebra stripes, and, yeah, they're pretty bitchin), and DesandNate.
He makes me so angry I want to kill a magician and where him as an outfit travelling on a trip to hawaii!
Anyway, there's a sharp contrast from the preppy-perfect table I switch back and forth from at lunch, where everyone eats their lunch without a crumb misplaced, never swears, and wear purity rings, not that theres anything wrong with that, and my friends I was with last night. A poser-gay kid molested a friend and I and there was an Abby squared spooning session. It only makes me love the people I hang out more. And then we skateboarded in a giant methodist church parking lot. There was no expensive food, fancy clothes, or cups/plates, but that was one of the better nights of my life.
The point is: embrace the cheese, laugh, love, and live a little. A little bit of fun never hurt anyone. And you don't need money or beauty to have a good time. It's time to take off your serious panties and put on the frilly polka dot thong. Do it!
Oh, and if you don't like what you read, go somewhere else, like a less honest, boring blog.
Peace, Love and Rock n' Roll!
Song of the Day:
Ma mere is out shopping and mon pere is at work, so I'm stuck at home with mon petite frere. Ugh. And his friend. Who just play COD ALL DAY! I swear I can see the graphics in my sleep. I should be doing geometry homework, or finishing a chapter in RITF, but nooooo. I'm reading fanfiction and baking cookies and blogging. Why? Because I can. Not having school empowers me. And because I have not an ounce of concentration.
I went to a friend's party last night and had a blasty blast. Everyone there was the most random motley crew of kids you could've picked. The only we really shared in common was music taste, Converse sneakers (I made a costom pare with purple zebra stripes, and, yeah, they're pretty bitchin), and DesandNate.
He makes me so angry I want to kill a magician and where him as an outfit travelling on a trip to hawaii!
Anyway, there's a sharp contrast from the preppy-perfect table I switch back and forth from at lunch, where everyone eats their lunch without a crumb misplaced, never swears, and wear purity rings, not that theres anything wrong with that, and my friends I was with last night. A poser-gay kid molested a friend and I and there was an Abby squared spooning session. It only makes me love the people I hang out more. And then we skateboarded in a giant methodist church parking lot. There was no expensive food, fancy clothes, or cups/plates, but that was one of the better nights of my life.
The point is: embrace the cheese, laugh, love, and live a little. A little bit of fun never hurt anyone. And you don't need money or beauty to have a good time. It's time to take off your serious panties and put on the frilly polka dot thong. Do it!
Oh, and if you don't like what you read, go somewhere else, like a less honest, boring blog.
Peace, Love and Rock n' Roll!
Song of the Day:
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