Catch Me Like A Cold

Hey, stranger, I want to catch you like a cold.

Sometimes I like to walk down the street, listening to some sunshine-y She & Him song, "Sweet Darlin" or "I Was Made for You" depending on my mood, gently sashaying my hips, and pretend to be Zooey Deschenal....or as lovely as her character in (500) Days of Summer, minues the ice queen factor.

Then, other times I like to stand in my room, blaring "Badlands" and air guitaring rigidly, and pretend that I'm Bruce Springsteen playing a show for thousands of New Yorkers at Madison Square Garden.

Next, I enjoy dancing around my room like a mad person, with my left hand behind my back, making ridiculous faces, pretending I'm Brendon Urie surrounded by the screams of girls nearly half his age dying to sleep with him....not that I want that, but it's an interesting feeling.

Anyway, it was just last Friday (cue the Rebecca Black, "It's Fridayyy, Fridayyya, Fridayya) I realized living my own life is pretty entertainnig. Screaming over drunk people awkwardly at Mexican restuarants, driving around blaring Beyonce, sprinting through the parking lot at Giant Eagle in 3 inch heels away from the car we dented with our passenger door, and generally freaking out passerbys by the sudden leg that just appeared in the backseat window of that parked car sound lame to everyone else, but, hell, I'm having way too much fun.

Even if it is the only fun I have all week.

A certain essay dinasour -ahempoulakosaurus- swallowed me whole in assignments. I'm taking a break and jamming to Vices & Virtues for the thousandth time....I'm in love with Panic! at the Disco to such an extent that I basically fangirlgasm every time I hear one of their new songs. And my face looks something like this.


I'm so ready for this...and by this I mean everything.

Everything, everything, everything.

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll

"Trade Mistakes" - Panic! at the Disco. Hellz to the yes.

Witty, Witty, Witless

It seems I've found a break in which I should be studying or writing or doing something that's not so pointless. But, whatever. School can wait...education can screw itself. It's basically like the callouse on my index finger, keeps getting bigger until it just goes numb.

Numb.

There's a quote from a Tree Grows In Brooklyn I'd like to throw in here however I don't wanna butcher it without the book in front of me. It's something along the lines of wanting to feel something, no matter what, rather than nothing.

Right now all I feel is the pain in stomach and my aching exhaustion.

If I could hide out with you I'd just take the day and sleep. And breathe. And live.

And not want to stab my eye out with my pen in Algebra 2.

I'm surprised I haven't jumped out the second story window of that classroom yet.

If I had more energy I'd bitch about people....but I don't even have the energy to do a super rant.

However, this whole teenage angst "I hate my life for no apparent reason, and either I'm going to hide it, but write all these clever, witty lyrics about how I so nobily hide my obnoxious complaining, or I'm going to shout my 'sadness' from the tree tops and drink all the tear drop tea at my pity party" I've been guilty of this on numerous occasions, but at least at the end of the day I know I'm lucky and have a great set of friends and life, and possible future.

The people who are utterly convinced their life is a suckish pit of suck because the girl they like won't cover them in kisses who goes to this school and lives in this neighborhood are what get me. It could always be worse.

Song of the Day: "Say it's Possible" cover by Jay Brennan

The song is a pity party. Irony.

Baby, I Was Born This Way

Okay, so I did just quote a Gaga song that sounds like a Madonna song and is quite pop-ish, but you know what? That's irrelevant. It's a good song. And catchy. And it might be the anthem of 2011.

And you know what else?

I've been beaten down, horrified of myself, the rumors that haunt me like a curse, the curse of my past....the curse of him. Though they don't mean a thing to me know, those people still manage to give me shit via the rumor mill.

I'm hoping internally one of you are reading this. And I will not give you the satisfaction of watching me try to defend myself helplessly from the hell hole that is high school. I can sit here and type vehemently that all of these rumors are lies and that I am better than that, but it would be a waste of internet space. Of course, basically everything I say on the internet is a waste. Ah, well. But I won't give them the satisfaction of anything.

Because, when it comes down to it, all I've got are my real friends, the one's who know the rumors aren't true, and everyone else can go suck cow nipples.

I could also sit here and tell you that I don't feel any of these attacks. I feel every word whispered about me behind my back, and every glare I get. And, truthfully, it's not often about me.

My point is the following: I've gotten this far. I've been to hell and back. And there is no way I'm going back there. I've made it through. And he will never, ever, ever win. I will not regret, because it never happened. He will never, ever, win, as long as I have my strength.

Don't be a drag, just be a Queen.

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll

Song of the Day: *You guessed it* "Born this Way" Lady Gaga

Let The Sun Rain Down On Me

Well, well, well, Panic! at the Disco is back mfers! Between "The Ballad of Mona Lisa" and the live versions of "Let's Kill Tonight" and "Nearly Witches" I've been on music cloud nine. Might be the only thing keeping me on the surface from falling into a homework rut.


So many damn essays...anyway, I'm pretty sure I love my friends more than life itself. Thank God I have them. I don't know what I'd do without these guys.

So, I have nothing interesting to say.

Here's a song cookie!

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll

<3 <3 <3

Believe What You Are

Believe, believe in me, believe, believe. The lives are changed but you're not sunken in, we're not the same, we're different....We'll crucify the insincere tonight. We'll make it right, we'll feel it all tonight. We'll find a way to offer up tonight. The indescribable moments of your life, tonight. The impossible is possible tonight, tonight. So believe in me, cause I'll believe in you. Tonight, tonight.

I awoke one morning
To a lavender sky
With clouds of lilac
And the air of sweetness, so soft
That the touch of your hands
Faded into blur
And the world was bright
He turned off the light
And I turned on mine.
With a swelling sun, and heat melting away
The storms that once roared
Rain that stained
And left my heart alive.

Dry your roses
Crush your sweet words
Drain the bursting hearts
Heal the infection, and ruin infliction
Bury diamonds under centuries of death
Stain white dresses with red
Forget the misplacing of flowers
But remember, if only for a moment,
For a breath of loveliness
That there is always love
Where earth has grown cold, and skies blackened
With charcoal grey clouds
Floating of waste, undying to hear
The memories haunt all that is near
And acid rain burns away all flesh untouched
Even there,
There is love.

One morning I awoke
To lavender skies
With lilac clouds
Without you.
And I knew it was always me.
Full of love within.

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll
Hello, random Beyonce "Freakum Dress"

If I Was From Paris

Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. "Paris"


Pretty sure that video and song are just sex in music form.

Anyway, midterms are approaching along with a shit load of English...so I really should be working. Oh well. On the upside, I bought a corset to complete my burlesque costume...and few new sweaters and tops. I'm pretty excited. My Burlesque outfit is complete. Now I just have to work out...and not have just eaten a huge meal and photograph it all. I will find somewhere to where it..eventually. Til then I'll keep a closet of seduciton clothing.

Kittehs are lovely.

And a bit of relaxation and care are almost as good as revenge because you realize that after it all, all the pain, insults, embarrassment, you're still the same person you were three months ago.

If I was a man, I'd make my move. If I was a blade, I'd shave you smooth. If I was a judge, I'd break the law. And if I was from Paris, if I was from Paris, I would say ooh la la lalala la la

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll

Measure In Love

Fittingly, I watched RENT the whole way through for the first time last night, and yes I did just capitalize each letter like a noob. And yeah, I loved everything about it. La vie boheime. But it made me think about this year as a whole, so I spent most of my morning recovering from three hours of sleep trying to figure out what the hell this year was.

It was basically like a giant 'what the actual fuck' moment except it lasted 365 days.

First half of the year was basically calm, till the rug was ripped out from under me. I learned to watch who I trusted, and then had my reputation basically sent whirling out of control for two weeks. I nearly lost a best friend, though I'm pretty sure my damage was permanent.

The summer, however, was perfect. It was long and hot and...sounds alot like sex. Pretty sure that's what it feels like. It was great, definitely the best time of the year.

By the time freshman year started, I was already being thrown head over heels into a hurricane. I was spun around, forced so far down, and then shot back up so many times, my body finally gave out a couple weeks ago. I've got a pretty bad sinus infection that was brought on from weeks of working my ass off at school and stressing over homework and him and then going out Friday and Saturday night...barely sleeping and then starting the week all over again. That had gone on for three months...and finally it all just crashed down upon me.

But I've come out of it, and on this last day of 2010, through all the heartbreak and drama and mistakes, I stand here with no regret. I've had a great time, some of the best memories, made some of the greatest friends. And most of all I have loved, the greatest thing I can possibly accomplish. Whether I was loved back equally as I loved others is to be questioned for some people. I know people love me out there, and, really, I love you guys. The people who have stuck with me through this year and who have been picked up along the ride are the ones who matter.

So, in love, I've given myself to everyone around me, whether they know it or not, I do love everyone. But my resolution for next year is to learn to love myself, for real this time - not letting a pretty, green-eyed boy catch me off gaurd - and breathe the freedom and care of those around me. I will shine outwards, love the world around me, and stop the co-dependence.

With the help of my friends,this year has been beautiful in love.

It may not be the kind of love you're looking for, but you have to be grateful for what you've been given, which is always just what you need.

Hello, freedom, I've never been a friend of yours, but I'd like to get to know you. Hello, new year, I'm nervous to begin again, but glad to start over.
Hello, self, I've missed you, and I'm ready to get to know you better.



We are beautiful, no matter what you say.

"Poprocks and Coke" Green Day

Peace, Love, and Rock n' Roll